Saturday, November 21, 2009

DAY 100!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sat 11/21

Today Henry and I went to California Pizza Kitchen and met Kristi and Christina for lunch. I actually used the nursing cover and breastfed him in real public. It was scary but not bad.

Life is really going on.

Future note: on November 23 Henry laughs for the first time! an honest to God giggle! It's what we've been waiting for!

love, love, love

Friday, November 20, 2009

Day 99 Friday November 20

A bunch of notes:

He is getting so good at "tummy time"!!

The trees outside his bedroom window are being cut to the nubs. It started today. It feels like a metaphor (I think I mean simile) for me having to go back to school. The trees are being stripped of their leaves and branches just as I am being stripped away from our little family. I'm very sad.

He slept on my chest and his ear left an impression on my skin. Just like months ago when he slept on my chest and his foot left an impression on my tummy.

I can see tiny white hairs on his knuckles. I never noticed that before.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Day 98 Thursday November 19

Henry is getting so good at grabbing toys. His hand/eye coordination is developing. His favorite toy right now is Vitamins the Bear. I don't know if his name is supposed to be Vitamins or not, but this is a flat bodied bear with a patch on his chest that says "Vitamins." We have found out that this might be a brand name, but oh well. Vitamins is the name of Henry's bear.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Day 97 Wednesday November 18

I am still keeping track of Henry's feedings and diapers. I'm not sure why or when I will break the habit. I think I am afraid that I will forget what side I'm on when I nurse him next or that somehow I will forget to change him.

I had to go to school for the staff meeting today. Woo.

But when I came home it was so pleasant! Henry was in his bouncy seat, Phillip was working on the computer and all was calm and lovely. Henry has his tongue sticking out the side of his mouth like he's thinking really hard or he's Michael Jordan.

I love this kid so much. How did he get so wonderful? We are so blessed. I love you Phillip and Henry!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Day 96 Tuesday November 17

Back to Jury Duty. I got to go home. Thank you God!

I had to plead with the judge about my situation and she was not sympathetic. I told her how I couldn't miss my first day back from maternity leave and that we are a one income family. She responded by asking me why I didn't fill out a form indicating that I couldn't afford it (I can't remember the word she used) and I said that I can afford to do jury duty, the week I was called, which is this week, not two weeks from now. DUH!

Then I had to leave the room and not until later was I released. YEE HAW! I donated my jury duty money back to the courts.

Back to Henry:

I startled him today. It was funny but not funny. He was scared and started to cry. I was just coming into his room and I thought he knew I was there. nope.

Grandma and Grandpa called today to sing to him.

I spend a lot of time thinking about and worrying about Henry's schedule. If we thought I was neurotic before I had him...

Monday, November 16, 2009

Day 95 Monday November 16

Two more weeks until I go back to school. I don't know how to prepare.

I had Jury Duty today and it more or less sucked. I was promised a place to pump and it didn't happen. I had to pump in a bathroom stall. I actually got called in and I have to go back tomorrow. The trial starts on November 30. Does that day sound familiar? Yeah, it's when I'm supposed to go back to work. AHHH!

Henry and Phillip were fine without me. They also drove me and picked me up. Henry is so cute in his car seat!

The leaves are changing colors. This happens so late here compared to Illinois.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Day 94 Sunday November 15

When I am all alone with Henry it is so quiet. So much is different now and it hits me hard sometimes. I feel like I'm going to wake up and this was all a dream.

Today I was holding Henry and out of nowhere he flails backwards! I thought if I hadn't been more aware or conscious or awake, I might have dropped him. Thank you God, I did not drop him. He changes so fast. He can do more everyday. I keep trying not to wish he could do more stuff. I don't want to wish this time away. It goes too quickly.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Day 93 Saturday November 14


I ate lunch today with Henry in the Ergo. It's not bad. I feel like I can do anything with this thing. I think I can try to cook or clean. I love having him so close and having my hands free. That feels selfish: wanting to have my hands free. hmmm I don't want to ignore him, I just want to have him with me and safe and be able to do stuff.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Day 92 Friday November 13

When I change Henry, he can get a little whiny so I play the classical music station on the radio. We keep it on while we play in his room. He also has classical music on his swing. Is there any proof that playing classical music makes you smarter? It feels like there should be.

I can't always be close enough to hear it when Henry poops, but I am SO glad when I am. Sometimes this baby poops is abundant enough to actually leak UP the back of his diaper. I know that since he consumes nothing but breast milk this means that his poops are quite liquidy. I also know that if you spend a lot of time playing on your back this means that your liquid poop has the tendency to spread up... like I said: I'm happy when I hear him poop. That way, I catch it in time.

(blog actually posted June 25: last day of school! It has taken me this long to find the time to turn my daily notes into blog entries. Getting ready to go back to work and actually being a working mom/wife/sister/friend did not leave enough time to blog.)

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Day 91 Thursday 11/12

ERGO Victory!

We have three ways to carry Henry. We have the fabulous Ergo, we have the awesome Sleepy Wrap and we have a pretty cool sling.

The sling almost immediately hurts my back and I can't figure out how to not cover Henry's face. This one, though, is the easiest one to just throw in the diaper bag to have on hand.

The Sleepy Wrap makes me so hot, it is a LOT of fabric! We have had some victories in the past, but the last time I used it, he cried like crazy.

I have been waiting to try the Ergo again because when I tried to follow the directions and put him the way a newborn should go, it always seemed to somehow cut off circulation to his legs because you could see them turn blue. I hated that and I knew he was probably too big for that hold and yet not big enough to have him put his legs around my waist.

Well today was the day! I figured, he is almost three months old, I can put his legs around my waist! So I suited up! Put him in the carrier, and we went all the way to the post office, to the tea shop and then back home. It was quite a work out, but he slept for most of it and I could calm him when we were in line at the post office for way too long and the inactivity woke him up. (I can't stand our post office: North Hollywood... you suck!)

The Ergo is wonderful and I feel like he is secure and I hope to do the hike with him sometime soon.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Day 90, Wed Nov 11

Putting this ointment in his eye is a TRIP! We are supposed to pull down his lower lid and put a quarter inch of this gel inside the lid. Have you ever tried pulling the lid down of a baby who has the chubbiest cheeks known to man? It doesn't work! And Henry must be like me and gets claustrophobic when things come close to my eyes, he FREAKS out. He hates it and he fights us. This baby is super strong! I can't believe we have to do this four times a day for five whole days.

Today was also the first day in awhile that we were all home and we all went grocery shopping together. It was really nice. Our little family.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Day 89, Tuesday 11/10

Henry cried like CRAZY when he woke up this morning. He has not done this is quite a while. It was a little disturbing. Then he quiets down, eventually and acts like nothing happened.

Yesterday we went on a walk with Patty and she commented on his eye. He has had a lot of juicy-ness coming out in the last two days, a lot more than usual. He has always had that clogged tear duct in his right eye, but this seemed more than normal eye gunk a la clogged duct. So today it was the same if not worse because it looks like his eyelids are red. So we called the nurse and told her about it. Some of the eye gunk is greener than the normal yellowy color, so she got the doctor to call in a prescription. I had to jump through some hoops with Target and proving Henry has insurance since I still have not received his card (Screw you Health Net!), but I got the tiny tube of ointment (which was once over $100, but we got it for $30).

Monday, November 9, 2009

Day 88, Monday Nov 9

When it is just the two of us here, the apartment is so quiet. It makes me a little crazy.

Today I did laundry and it was a little hard because it was just the two of us. I have to leave to go to the garage where the laundry room is in our building. Once, he was asleep so I left him in the crib and ran and hurried like you wouldn't believe, praying the whole time. I don't think I can do this again.

How do people do this?

One time Phillip put him in the sling and took him back and forth with him... I couldn't carry the basket with him on me. Where would it go?

If we ever get a house, I really hope we have a washer and a dryer. (and it would be great if it was on the first floor... :)

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Day 87, Sunday 11/8

I need more sleep. I need to sleep when he sleeps. I have never gotten the hang of this. I need to do it, because I am falling asleep while nursing or while he plays on the blanket. This is no good.

We had more trouble with the bottle again, but while at church Phillip gave him the bottle again... We just keep persevering. We have no choice.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Day 86, Saturday Nov 7

Today was a BIG day! We took Henry to his first class ever!

Our friend Beth teaches a music class, in French, to babies! The class is for newborns to two year olds. It was really nice and Beth is wonderful. However, it somehow did not work for Henry schedule-wise. He was a little sleepy, he needed a diaper change in the middle and he wanted to eat too. And the class is only 45 minutes! We also think that it would suit him better in at least three months when he could hold the shaker or the drum and use them on purpose instead of by accident. :)

Side note: not feeding him after the first morning feeding today did not go well for me. I got SUPER engorged and leaked all over my shirt and that was through TWO nursing pads! Phillip says maybe it needs to get worse before it gets better. I hope so.

Then, Henry and I had a tea and knitting party to go to at Patty's house! We had such a good time and did so well. He breast fed twice and napped twice! We were able to do just about everything there that we would do at home! And Kristee and Patty got him to laugh and I missed it! Kristee mimiced his grunting noises and they said he did a grunt laugh at her!

We had such a good time.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Day 85, Friday Nov 6

Henry is 12 weeks old today! I am stunned at this fact. Was it twelve whole weeks ago, that we were in the hospital? So, three months ago, I was still pregnant? Everything feels like a blur and yet, I can distinctly remember how hard it was in the beginning and how hot it was and how I still had to wear my maternity pants and... yeah, it was hard.

But 12 weeks have gone by and Henry is sleeping well. Most nights he sleeps until six-ish which is wonderful. He and I do really well with breastfeeding. I can't remember if I mentioned it, but my friend Karen told me that if I could breastfeed for six weeks, I could do it forever. She was so right. I remember waking up from a fog during week six and thinking, "Oh my God, this doesn't make me want to die anymore!" or something like that.

He is such a wonderful, chubby, smiley, beautiful, sweet baby boy. We are so blessed. He is a miracle, a gift from God. I am so grateful.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Day 84, Thu Nov 5

Henry naps often, but for only short time each time. But TODAY... we had over an hour long nap! It was this morning and it was wonderful!

He also did his first raspberry! He was on the changing table and I think it surprised him as much as it surprised me!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Day 83, Wed Nov 4

We coined the term "boob-bandoned" today because Henry seems to be rejecting taking a bottle. So we say he is feeling boob-bandoned. :)

This morning was actually kinda scary... We got Henry after we heard him moving around. He was on the changing table and smiling so sweetly and then I realized his mouth, his lips are stuck shut. I FREAKED! It was totally out of a JJ Abrams tv show. I got a warm washcloth and placed it on his mouth and it immediately opened. He kept on smiling so I knew it wasn't upsetting him as much as it upset me, but I didn't know what it meant! Was he dehydrated? Sick?

We called Emily and then we called the nurse. Anne thought he probably just had a wet burp and it dried on his lips. She said that if he was smiling, then he wasn't dehydrated. He didn't have any other symptoms so he wasn't sick. Her advice was to use a humidifier and/or put petroleum jelly on his lips before bed.

Thank you GOD.

Oh! And we had a meeting at Chase bank about getting a 529 account for Henry for college. Long story short... this guy was a total jerk. I will post my husband's letter to the bank manager.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Day 82 Tuesday Nov 3


Today we went with Henry to stand in the horrors of lines to get the H1N1 vaccine. Yes, we drank the Kool-Aid and freaked out about getting the vaccine. I spent the last two weeks calling our general practitioner every day about how we could get the vaccine. I was told over and over that they would have it "next week." I woke up this morning, checked online to see where the free clinics were, saw that one was in Glendale today, and we went for it. We were there, in line, for FIVE hours. Insane. Oh, and they ran out of the shot. We had to get the nasal mist. Whatever! It felt like we were in a war or something and we had to stand in line for rations.

While we were in line, I had to leave and find a place to change him and feed him. The car was parked about a mile away, so that wasn't an option. I found a corner near a parking garage. I had to sit on the ground, but I did it.

Occasionally Henry does not like to be covered by the modesty wrap. Sometimes it's because it's kinda hot or sweaty. This was a little problem today, but we had to just push through. We didn't have a choice.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Day 81 Mon Nov 2

Totally un-Henry related: I won something!! I follow the Cupcake Project blog and about a week ago, she requested feedback on video reviews of her cupcakes. If you left your email address with your comment, you would be entered in a drawing to win Cupcake Stackers and I WON! I am so excited. If you like food, if you like food blogs, if you like recipes, if you like cupcakes, you should read her blog. The photographs are amazing and she is so good at clearly explaining how and what she does. I can't wait to try and make Apple Cider cupcakes. I can't wait to get my cupcake stackers!

Back to Henry!

So we are still trying to do the morning bottle and I am getting engorged. Each day is better than the last so I am glad we are doing this now and not when I am in a room full of teenagers. Henry will take the bottle of breast milk, but he doesn't seem as satisfied. He drinks as much as he wants, and yet acts hungry soon after. Maybe bottles of breast milk are the chinese food of infanthood.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Day 80 Sunday November 1

Happy Birthday Matt!
Bears Win!

Today Henry and I went with Amanda to Betsy's baby shower. Betsy and Sean are expecting a little boy in January and I couldn't be more happy for them! Her friends Kat and Rachel had a lovely tea party baby shower where we painted onesies for the new baby. It was a lot of fun. I looooove tea. I love painting. I love Amanda and I love Betsy. It was a nice party.

I was super nervous, of course. Amanda helped a ton. She held Henry, she helped carry stuff in and she would get me refills of tea or help finish my painting when I was holding/rocking/feeding/changing Henry. She is my left arm.

When you go to other people's houses, where do you change the baby? where do you feed the baby? can he go on a blanket on the floor? does he have to stay in the car seat? So many questions. Rachel was a gracious host and she was so relaxed and chill about everything. I changed him on the floor in her bedroom because there was a rug. I fed him with the modesty cape in the living room on the couch and when he was full and not fussing, he chilled out in the car seat. He was a pretty good guest. He definitely had some fussy moments, but he eventually fell asleep in my arms. We are so blessed with such a beautiful and sweet baby.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

First Halloween! Day 79

So of course, on the day where your son will be wearing a costume that you probably spent a lot of time working on, he poops entirely through his first outfit of the day. Luckily, he was just in a regular every day outfit and not anything he needed for his costume. It did make us wary about any future poops. Spoiler alert: he did not ruin his costume!

This huge poop previously mentioned was the worst of its kind. I know I have said that before, but I am a naive and new mother. It can always get worse. This one was so bad that he pooped through two onesies, his pants and onto my shirt. It was nasty and terrible. His outer onesie had a flexible enough neck so that we could pull it down and off him. The Gerber onesie was not flexible and we had to cut it off him. I am serious. I was not going to pull that over his head and then have to clean poop out of his hair. Heck no! He wasn't going to fit that onesie for much longer anyway! We had to give him a bath and we had to wash so many things. It got all over! So he has now bathed two days in a row. I know he likes the water, but come on!

Anyway, for Halloween he was a bag of Skittles! I loooove Skittles. We registered for them for our wedding, Mike put them on our baby shower gift and now we dressed Henry as a Fun Size bag of Skittles for his first Halloween.

We took him "Trick or Treating" to our friend's houses. We visited Betty, Myriel & Jim, Amanda, and Deanne & Charlie where we got to see the twins dressed a a pumpkin and a bumble bee! It was very nice and more practice on bringing Henry to other people's homes. We had to change him at Betty's. He was a little fussy I think just because he was in and out of the car and it was just different. Regardless, he did pretty well.

Oh and Patty came to see him here. Then we ate pizza! Happy Halloween!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Day 78 Friday 10/30

Today Henry is two months and three weeks old. That seems crazy. I catch myself thinking that it is still summer. If I am home during the day, I must be sick or its summer. So with this messed up thinking, I am having a hard time grasping how much time is passing. It is not summer. It is almost Halloween. Daylight savings time in tomorrow. I am going back to school in one month. Henry is almost three months old. whoa.

In an effort to prepare for going back to work, I am trying to train my body to not want to produce milk in the later morning. I will breast feed Henry before I leave for school, but then I will not have a chance to pump until lunch and then during my prep period (around 2 pm). Then I will race to get home by 4:30 ish to feed him. We are starting now. I feed Henry before 7am and then Phillip feeds him a bottle around 9ish, then I do the rest since in the future I can either nurse or pump for those feedings.

Henry is just starting to play in the tub. He has always loved his baths. He has not once fussed in the water. He doesn't cry or anything. He just lounges and loves it. Now he likes to splash and kick and we actually have some play time after he's all clean.

We bought a Vado video camera that is the shape of a cell phone or ipod. I will post some videos. (I should mention that I don't think I will stop posting after Henry's first 100 days). We taped him splashing in the tub.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Thurs Oct 29, Day 77

We can't remember when Henry had his first smile. I can't believe I didn't write down the date and time. I know I posted about when I went in to his room and he greeted me from the crib with a great smile, but I don't think that was his absolute first smile. Regardless, he smiles often now and it does not get much better than that. Phillip does think, however, that his first laugh must be coming soon. When that happens, this house is going to change forever! For the last twelve plus years, Phillip and I have done little more than try to make each other laugh... now it's Henry's turn.

oh, and I am working on a costume for Henry... just wait.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Day 76 Wednesday Oct 28

Henry was so fussy and poopy today. I'm not really sure what we did differently or what I might have eaten to cause this. I did have to go to school this afternoon so he had a bottle, but that's not brand new.

He had a big nap. (so of course he is growing)

but he also played with my hair! I was holding him and just swaying and singing and he had his hand up by my neck and he just played with my hair. I don't want to forget this.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Day 75 Tuesday Oct 27

Day 75??? Holy Crap!

Today we were on a quest for a flu shot. You would think that this was the end of the world or something. Everyone was out of the flu shot: we gave Target and two different CVSs a try. No dice. We ended up at the A to Z Pharmacy on Riverside Drive. The pharmacist is absolutely lovely. But of course, my arm is killing me.

Anyway, our pediatrician told us that it was imperative that we get both flu shots since Henry is too young to get one and I work with kids and Phillip is the main caregiver and yadda yadda. But NONE of our doctors have the shots to give us. What a world.

So now we wait until we can get the H1N1 shot... don't hold your breath.

Henry can now hit the toys hanging on his bouncy seat. He has so much more control over his arms. He used to just sit on the seat with his arms glued to his sides like he was trying not to fall. He did the same thing in the swing. Now he lifts his arms and tries to hit the hedgehog or the squirrel.

He also brings his hands to his mouth to chew on. His right hand is more dominant right now, but he can bring the left one up there too. He can't willingly keep them there for long, but he is now known to drool and suck his hands.

This is going so fast.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Day 74 Monday October 26

This boy is a babbling fool and we LOVE it. He just coos and sounds like a little hound dog. We said that when he made all his grunting noises, that he was our little piglet. Now he could be a puppy or a cow.

A woman at Trader Joe's stopped us in the parking lot just to look at Henry and she said, "He's in love with you" to me. I don't know why, but that was the sweetest thing I have heard! It just meant a lot to me.

He grabbed and got my glasses today. I knew, like the hair, that this day would come. I better make sure I have back up glasses.

I tried getting him to nap around 3pm today and it wasn't happening. I was so focused on getting him to sleep that I eventually put him in the swing. This normally isn't a problem, but when I finally gave up and put him there, it was past nap time and well past the next feeding time. I ended up missing that feeding and I felt so bad. Sometimes this lack of a strict schedule throws me off. I need structure. I'm glad we have our routine and I know that some day we will be more predictable, but not feeding him that time made me feel terrible.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Day 73 Sunday October 25

Henry totally copied Patty today. He was on a blanket on the floor near us while we sipped iced tea and chatted, like we do, and every so often Patty held her hand out to him. You could see him concentrating on her hand and when he looked away, she stopped doing it. When she'd do it again, you could see his arm twitching a little like he wanted to reach out to her. Then she started opening and closing her hand right above him and his little hand twitched, trying to open and close!!

It is amazing to watch him learn and try. You can see his mind working.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Day 72 Saturday Oct 24

Henry's hair is falling out! You can see it on his crib sheet. It looks like a dog is shedding. It also comes out a little when you brush his hair. His hair looks a little shaggy now.

I had heard that this would happen, Thank God! It totally freaked out Phillip until I told him that it was okay.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Day 71 Friday Oct 23

Henry and I love our long walks. I am really going to miss this. (I keep getting sad when I think about going back to work.)

Today we walked to the school that is attached to our church for a book fair. I love books. We read to Henry before bed every night. Any excuse to buy more books is good for me. I bought books for my nieces, for Henry and for myself. My students love those "how to draw" books so I got one for cars and one for Spongebob. I teach high school and they love Spongebob.

Just recently Henry started kicking his legs up. He is getting more aware of what he can do with his arms and his legs. He used to just kick one leg at a time and just outward. Then he could kick both legs out at the same time. Now he can kick them upward, like he is doing reverse crunches. I notice him doing this when he is fighting off sleep during a nap time. He doesn't normally like to just fall asleep, now he is physically trying to fight it.

Today calls for lots of rambling.

I want to mention that Deanne calls Henry's chin his "smile button" because Henry will sometimes smile if I tickle his chin. It's so sweet.

Tonight we video chatted with my family. They were celebrating my dad and my brother's birthdays. This was the first time Matt and Jill have seen Henry outside of photos. It was wonderful. Technology is amazing.

While I was rocking/dancing with Henry before bed, he gripped onto me like a hug. It was almost indescribable, but it made my heart swell.

Around midnight tonight, Henry decided he wanted to wake up. He hasn't done that in a while so Phillip got up and soothed him back to sleep. That was nice.

and last but not least tonight, this is on my mind:

If Henry eats a lot, people say that it is a growth spurt.
If Henry does not eat a lot, people say that it is a growth spurt.
If Henry sleeps a lot, people say that it is a growth spurt.
If Henry sleeps only a little bit, people say that it is a growth spurt...

He is just over two months old. He isn't doing anything but growing. He is spurting all the time! There is no rhyme or reason for most of what happens.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Day 70, Thu Oct 22

Henry went with me on the Walk of the Month! We walked around Toluca Lake and marveled at the houses and the Halloween decorations. Henry slept the entire two plus miles walk. He looooooooooves the movement of the stroller. It just lulls him to sleep.

At the end of the walk, we had pie at Marie Callender's (I had this blueberry cream pie that was awesome!). Henry, of course, woke up and was hungry. So, I nursed him with the modesty cape. I am slowly getting more comfortable with doing this. I hesitated, worried about what I was going to do. He was crying a bit and I was giving him the pacifier. Then I was going to ask if anyone would mind if I nursed him as I started to take him out of the stroller. Anita's sister asked me about him and in talking to her I told her that he was hungry, needed to be fed and that I wondered if anyone would mind. She said, "no one minds, go ahead". So I did.

Tonight was also the USS Rock n Roll dinner party. Phillip and I worked really hard to: make and bring food and dessert, get the baby fed, changed and in his pajamas and practiced with the Pack N Play. It was a crap ton of work for only about an hour of socializing. Henry did great! He went to sleep in the Pack N Play after minimal rocking. I was exhausted. This whole bringing him out during bedtime doesn't seem worth it yet.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Wednesday October 21, Day 69

Mike and Amanda's Anniversary! #3! Way to go!

Today I had to go to school from about 10-4 give or take some travel time. I even went to Curves in the morning before getting ready... but here is how the day went for Henry:

He slept until 5am! Wow! So I felt great when I got up to nurse him. But then, when my alarm went off for Curves, I realized that our general schedule was going to be off. I was going to leave just before 8 and he would want to be fed around then... So at 7:37, I woke him up to nurse him. He did pretty good, slept most of the time. It's funny to me that babies can nurse and "sleep" at the same time. I wish I could eat a cheeseburger while taking a nap.

I was hesitant about waking him, but I wanted to make sure I could exercise and he would be fed. Flexibility, my friend!

Anyway, I think this bump in the schedule threw off his whole day. After I nursed him around 9, after working out, and left at 10, he gave Phillip the hardest time. Remember that long nap he has been taking around 11? Not today. Phillip said it seemed like he couldn't make him happy, no matter what. Henry wanted to be held, no. He wanted to lay flat on a blanket, no. He needed his pants changed, no. He wanted a bottle, yes, but still not happy. He needed to burp, sometimes. It just kept going and going.

So Phillip took Henry in his stroller to the grocery store, thinking the walk would make him sleep. It didn't. And he fussed in the store. When they got home, Henry cried the whole time while Phillip went to pee. Phillip was soooo frustrated. Then Henry finally fell asleep just as I got home.

Tonight, after Phillip left for his class, Henry gave me some fussiness too. He had a huge burp with spit up. I wonder if he is struggling with reflux or something. I think I am going to try nursing more vertically rather than horizontally and I'm going to let him dictate the schedule tomorrow. Even if it means nursing at Marie Callender's.

Henry did go to sleep tonight, but not after his 5pm feeding. I think he is starting to spread out the naps. I need to pay attention to the sleep changes. We also need to incorporate more Phillip time so they get used to each other together without me. The last three weeks have been really Henry/Mommy centered. It is going to be so hard to go back to work.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Tuesday October 20, Day 68

Henry and I met Ruby today! She is such a sweet, gorgeous four month old baby! We were at a Starbucks in Burbank and a five year old girl there just loved the babies! She did a drawing of me holding Ruby. It was soooo sweet.

Henry also had a long nap again today. We are just blown away by it. Slowly, we are trying to acclimate ourselves to it.

Some things I wanted to mention here because I don't want to forget them:

Henry is just now starting to get this messy milk mouth while he nurses. It's sort of like when I used to call him Chicken Face, but now I have to stay on it so he doesn't get milk behind his ears or in his chubby neck folds.

I want to remember when we first got home from the hospital and I would nurse him and I could hear the milk travel in his small body and hit his tummy. I wish I could describe the sound, but I already struggle with words.

It seems like Henry is burping more often. He is also spitting up more often. I wonder if this is something you learn to do... Is there anything I can expect from him based on how he has already behaved?

Monday, October 19, 2009

Monday, October 19, Day 67

He had the craziest, longest nap ever today!!

While we took Grandma Janet to the airport, Henry fell asleep in the car. He was still asleep when we brought him in the house. We thought about taking him our of the carseat, but we knew it would wake him up. We got lunch together quickly and thought we could eat before he woke up. When he isn't moving in the carseat, he doesn't stay asleep in there. We prepared lunch and ate lunch and he was still asleep. We were a little nervous about what to do. Do we leave him in there? Do we wake him up? I didn't want to do either, but waking him up seems like the thing I wanted to do less.

We took Janet to the airport before/around 11am. Henry didn't wake up until after 1pm. I know that is only two hours, but he normally naps 30-45 minutes. This was amazing.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Sunday October 18, Day 66

Grandpa Ray's birthday!!

Henry slept from around 9pm last night until 6am this morning. We almost died. I couldn't believe it. I know it won't last, but... Thank you, God!

So, thinking I could go to this wedding without my baby and without my pump was absolutely ridiculous. I was in SO much pain by the time we left, I thought I was going to cry. (that and my feet hurt... I hate heels) My boobs were so hard. It was pretty bad. I have learned my lesson. I will nurse or pump wherever I am, I don't care what people think.


Last night when we got back from Christina's house, we found Henry on the blanket happily playing with Grandma and Grandpa. As soon as he saw us, he burst out crying, super loud and screamy. We just gaped at him and went to him. As soon as we got close, he stopped. He just wanted to tell us, "HEY! WHERE WERE YOU? I MISSED YOU!" We got it. And it was funny and sweet.

Tonight, we got back and he was asleep. We had lots to share about the wedding and desserts to eat. And I had to pump.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Saturday October 17, Day 65

Henry woke up today the most pleasant, wide eyed baby I have ever seen! Phillip was changing him and we just marveled at his beautiful-ness. We spend so much of our time realizing that this baby is ours. We are so blessed. We are so lucky. We have so much to be thankful for.

Grandpa Ted and Grandma Janet are here this weekend. They flew out here to visit and be our babysitters. We have Christina's birthday party tonight and the wedding of the year tomorrow. I haven't left Henry yet. Amanda babysat him about a week ago as previously mentioned, but I wasn't here to actually leave him. I was already at school and Phillip left him with her. This, I think is going to be the hardest part.

And I wanted to mention how much I love the Sleep Sack (by Halo). It's a wearable blanket so I don't have to worry about his face getting covered in the middle of the night. And he looks so sweet in it.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Friday October 16, Day 64

I know that Henry is learning by touching, but I really wish he would stop learning about punching me in the boobs. Yes, this statement is supposed to be funny... It is true though. While nursing, Henry gets a bit active. I think I've mentioned this before, but now that he is getting abit more consistent with his movements, I wish he would avoid the punching.

Today also marked the first time he has ever pulled my hair! It seems like every other baby I have ever held, has pulled my hair. I never realized that it would take time and development before a baby would be able to do that! Now Henry can do it!

Patty has told me that I have mentioned this already, but I need to re-assert the "spidey sense" I get in my breasts when it is time to nurse Henry. It's an internal prickly feeling, almost electric.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Thu 10/15, Day 63

Today was Henry's first vaccinations. It was awful. I hated every minute of it. His reactions to the needle were so painful and he screamed and screamed. He turned bright red and made cries I haven't heard before. He started to calm down after the second shot, but there was one more to go. By this point, I was crying and telling him I was sorry. It sucked. Bad.

The doctor said that he could react by being fussy, having a fever, sleeping through a feeding, or have absolutely no reaction. So far Henry has been pretty sleepy. He hasn't missed a feeding really, but he has stretched out the time in between and then he doesn't nurse for long. We are also giving him Tylenol every four hours (although he is sleeping now and I am not going to wake him in 45 minutes when another four hours is up. I'll just give it to him when he wakes up on his own). He is slightly fussy, but not too much more than normal. I'm not sure yet what other reactions he will have... (to be continued)

He did weigh in at 14 lbs and 7 oz today and is now 25 inches long!! He is in the 97th percentile in both height and weight. Dr. Lubin was very pleased.

I asked her when he would likely learn how to hold the pacifier and she said he may not ever take to it. This troubles me a little because he likes to use the pacifier in order to calm himself to sleep so if he doesn't learn to hold it in himself, I'm going to be doing a lot of paci holding. I do think that he will take to sucking his thumb or fingers when he figures out how to hold them to his mouth, so then I can retire.

I wanted to include some things in here that I don't want to forget. Early on when I was trying to breastfeed him, he would open his mouth wide when we said "open" but he often kept his tongue up and in the way. Late at night this was very frustrating. During the day it was funny. I just realized today that we don't have this problem anymore. I'm not sure when it went away.

A joke that at least Phillip and I thought was funny: we were talking about how we call Henry by his name and expecting that he knows that it is his name, but if you went by the word we say most often to him, he might think his name is "Open" (or "I love you").

Last night he slept really well. I left him in his crib at 8:30 pm and he didn't wake up until 3 am. Then after he was changed and nursed until 3:45 am, he slept until 7! This was pretty great! I'm not sure how the shots will affect his sleep pattern, but good or bad, I won't get too excited or upset.

Tomorrow Grandma Janet and Grandpa Ted come to visit!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Wed Oct 14 Day 62

First babysitter!!

Amanda watched Henry while I went to school for a parent meeting and Phillip went to his UCLA class. It worked out really well and I am soooooooo happy.

I don't know if it will change drastically or not, but he is really good with people right now.

He is also sleeping pretty well. 3 hours and 45 minutes in a row and then 4 and a half!

I took him with me to the UMW luncheon where he slept until I had to feed him. I jumped in and nursed him right there using the Bebe Au Lait. I was nervous, but I did it!

I also noticed goose bumps on him for the first time today!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Tues 10/13, Day 61

We went through FIVE, count them, five diapers at 6 am today. I am so serious. First, he peed while Phillip was changing him. He was on his new diaper already so he had to change that one. While that one was in transit, Henry pooped. He just pooped right there on the table.

as you can see, it just went on from there...

He also had another huge plunky barf again today. This time while doing Tummy Time.

I also called the doctor's office so they could walk me through what will happen on Thursday when Henry gets his first set of shots. I'm so nervous. The receptionist wasn't all that helpful, so I called Emily instead. She can actually answer a question. I wanted to know how he might react, if it hurts, what to do, how to handle, etc. She gave me the low down from her experience.

The receptionist said that I could give Henry baby Tylenol one hour before his appointment and that the instructions for how much would be on the box... not true!! It says if your baby is under 2 years or under 24 lbs, then to consult your doctor. Wonderful!

Emily said that she just brings the tylenol with her to the doctor and asks and administers it then. She also said that she nursed her babies after their shots.

mental notes!

Monday, October 12, 2009

Monday 10/12, Day 60

Wow, he totally barfed today. It wasn't like a puke, more like spit up, but it was huge, it rolled down Phillip's back, leaving a streak and it plunked on the floor. Very impressive.

We also went to the Drive in tonight!! I really wanted to go to the movies and Phillip suggested the Drive in so we could all go and I could nurse if need be. It was fun! We saw Couples Retreat. If you like Vince Vaughn and you think he is charming, then you will probably like this movie. It did not need to be two hours, though.

We didn't stay for the second movie. Henry slept the ENTIRE time and I wanted to make sure that he nursed before it was too late at night and I wanted to change him at home. It was so so cold and I didn't want to take him out of his car seat to the rest room.

a really nice night

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Sunday 10/11, Day 59

When I went in this morning to get Henry up to nurse, he smiled at me. He has smiled to himself or at the window or just in general, but today he smiled at me. I thought I was going to die happy. It was wonderful.

We also dressed him in his Bears outfit (hand me down from Noah!!) in honor of Sunday football.

He is so cute!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Sat 10/10, Day 58

I know Henry visited Curves last Saturday, today he came with me for the workout! Shana was so awesome. She said he could come with me and when he got a little fussy, she took him out of the stroller and held him while I worked out. He slept in her arms. It was so sweet.

Then after my workout, I proceeded to trip/fall/roll my ankle. AHHHHHH!! I was so embarassed. Regardless, Henry and I still had some errands to do... on foot. And I think it helped. We walked to the dry cleaner and Walgreen's. Then we went home to nurse and then we were out again, this time to another Walgreen's for envelopes, Borders for Grandpa Ray's birthday present and then a visit to Amanda.

This was the first time we were visiting friends at their home. Henry has always been the visitee, not the visitor, but we have become quite the traveling pair. We had to nurse in Amanda's bedroom, but we made it work! Henry was so good while she was holding him and then he played on the ground while we stared at him and then he fell asleep on my chest while I talked to Mike about how the Office could have been better.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Friday October 9, Day 57

Shopping with Karen for the STAR PSPs. Soooo fun!

And Henry slept almost the entire time!

He and I also went shopping at the mall for pants that fit (for me, sigh) the other day and he was great! Like I said about Target a few days ago, if the stroller is moving, he will fall asleep. We did have a moment in the dressing room where he woke up (he was no longer moving) and I had to try on jeans while holding his pacifier. When is he going to learn how to grip the pacifier himself?

Today was also the day where we took Halloween/Fall/Pumpkin pictures with Patty. She is an amazing photographer (I know I have said it before). We were so blessed that she took the time to go with us to the Toluca Lake Pumpkin Patch for pictures!! Then I took those photos and promptly made a birth announcement/Halloween card that we will send out instead of Christmas cards this year. I am excited! I can pick them up at Walgreen's tomorrow!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Thurs 10/8, day 56

Today marked the first time where I could not console Henry. Remember when we went to the doctor and found out he had and ear infection? The doctor was really pleased that Henry could be consoled when he was uncomfortable/cold/hurting (whatever he was while she was checking his ears and listening to his chest and back with a cold stethoscope).

Anyway, he could not be consoled today and I'm not sure why.

He was in his swing and was a little fussy. I was going to be cooking dinner so I put on some music that I thought he would like. He didn't so after a while, I turned it off. He was starting to cry.

I started chopping onions for the chicken posole and his crying increased. I tried making the vibrations on the swing stronger and the swinging faster and it didn't work. Normally, it does and it puts him to sleep. Nope!

So now I'm crying because of the onions and he starts wailing (I wonder if it could have been the onions too? He wasn't in the kitchen, but he wasn't super far away). I try washing my hands fast and I text Phillip that I need help. Luckily he was working with Mike in the building, so he got here quickly. He took Henry into his room and rocked him until he calmed down.


I finished making dinner. It was scary and I know that some moms and dads have that more often than not. I don't know what I would do.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Our ninth anniversary Oct 7, Day 55

We went out to breakfast because Wednesdays are super busy in our house.

Hugo's has a wonderful breakfast. Phillip always gets the Pasta Papa and I finally got the pumpkin pancakes that I have often longed for.

Henry fell asleep. He had already eaten, you see.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Tuesday 10/6, Day 54

Went shopping at Target with Amanda and Henry. very cool!

Did you know, that even at the Starbucks in Target, you can get a refill on tea or coffee for only fifty cents? It's true!

Henry does great at stores. He loves motion so as long as we keep moving the stroller, he sleeps. It's wonderful.

Then Henry met Erin!

And we have recently started dressing him in hoodie sweaters because it is COLD in here. I swear we were just sweating out butts off and now its 64 degrees indoors!

Monday, October 5, 2009

Monday Oct 5, Day 53

It is official. Henry slept for five hours last night. He finished nursing around 745pm and I didn't hear him again until around 1am. NO WAY! Of course I didn't go to bed until after 11pm so I didn't sleep 5 hours, but we are one step closer to normal. (sleep that is)

And did you know that a baby sleeping five hours is technically sleeping through the night?? Yeah, not eight hours, five. So, I guess he did it! I wonder if he will do it again.

I often get scared because I am afraid that we don't react quick enough to him at night. Phillip and I take so long to react/wake up in normal situations, what if we aren't hearing him right away?

On another note: we had a spur of the moment visit from Chris and Andrea! Chris had an 8 hour lay over on his way to New Zealand so he called up Andrea, got some sushi in our neck of the woods and stopped by for some quality baby holding time. It was so nice!

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Sunday Oct 4, Day 52

Remember when I thought that one day with the blowout might have been the worst poop-ness. Nope, I was wrong.

Today at church during coffee hour, while being held by Betty, Henry pooped so much that he pooped through his diaper and his clothes. I was so afraid that he ruined Betty's beautiful Van Gogh sweater, but he didn't. Thank God.

I am just trying to figure out when in the service I can go back into the bride's room to nurse him so that we can stay for coffee hour more often. I don't want to miss Joey's sermons!

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Sat 10/3, Day 51

Today is the last day for Henry's antibiotics and yet it doesn't seem like he is any better. And can I tell you, this medicine has made Henry SO poopy! He poops a lot. I mean a lot. I really hope this doesn't mean he is allergic or anything. He didn't break out or get crazy sicker, so I doubt he is allergic, but you never know.

We were scared that he might have diarrhea and get dehydrated, but the nurse said this would only be a problem if he had more dirty diapers than feedings. So far that has not really been the case.

Henry also visited Shana at Curves today. I am sticking to my plan to venture out a bit more with him. (I need to remember Disneyland!)

Friday, October 2, 2009

10/2/09 Day FIFTY!

Half-way to 100!

I had a date with my girlfriends from school to meet at Chevy's in Burbank. I told Kristi I was going to bring Henry, but at the last minute I chickened out. I thought I was getting so much better at traveling with him and the idea of feeding and changing him in public.

Well, I guess I'm not comfortable with nursing in public. I have this great cover (bebe au lait) that Emily gave me, but I am not so confident. I need more practice and I just didn't have it in me today.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Thurs Oct 1, Day 49

Henry slept overnight in his crib! He did it! We did it!

We are using our monitor, which sometimes gets some crazy static in the kitchen. This apartment is not that big, people! The monitor should work fine everywhere!

Now another worry: keeping him warm enough. We aren't swaddling him anymore, but he sleeps in a Sleep Sack with long sleeved pajamas underneath. We don't use a blanket yet because I am afraid. Maybe I will try it for naps when I am conscious and keep a look out.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Wed Sept 30, Day 48

Thoughts on sleep...

no, I'm not going to complain about not getting enough sleep. We have had enough of those complaints. Although, I'm still not sleeping through the night.

I absolutely love it when Henry falls asleep when I am holding him. It might be after he is done nursing and he just dozes off in my arms and on the boppy. It might be that I am rocking him to sleep. It might be that he is fussy so I have him on my chest and I lightly bounce/shake him up and down to settle him and he falls asleep. It doesn't matter how or why it happens, but I love it. However, in some of the books I have read (and I think I am overloading on information) it says that you shouldn't let your baby get too used to sleeping in situations you don't want to repeat forever. Now I know that I don't want to bounce Henry to sleep every single time he is supposed to go to sleep from now until he goes to college, but I do want to hold my baby as much as possible. I don't think it can hurt to let him sleep on me or in my arms from time to time. He's not even two months old yet.

Another thought: sleeping in bed with us. We do not co-sleep with Henry. Neither of us would sleep. We do bring him into bed with us if he is super cranky and he's been fed and changed. If he just wants to be held and its four or five in the morning and I've been up multiple times during the night, he comes to bed with us.

I've talked about the bassinet and the crib and naps in previous posts.

Sleeping in the swing: sometimes this is a blessing. If we just can't get him to sleep or if I am cooking dinner, Henry goes in the swing. Thank you for the swing, Mike and Amanda! I don't think it does him any harm to sleep in the swing. I try not to let it happen more than once a day because I want to make sure he get comfortable sleeping in his crib too.

Dreams: Ever since we got home I have had dreams that I am feeding Henry or that I am holding him and I wake up and FREAK OUT when he isn't there. This dream happens too often, but it has slowed down a lot. It's not every night anymore.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Tues Sept 29, Day 47

Henry is changing already. I know I've written about this before, but it really hits me sometimes. I know that he is going to change. I know it. Of course babies change and grow and get bigger and he will be able to do things he can't do now, but it seems like he has changed so much already. His hands, his small little hands have already gotten bigger. Patty likes to talk about how his feet have changed. She took this beautiful picture of his feet when he was about three hours old. They are wrinkly and water-logged. The picture is gorgeous.

His feet don't look like that anymore. They are smooth and pink and wonderful.

His face is different, his cheeks are chubby, he has two chins.

I just know that I am going to miss this. I am going to miss every moment. I try to take mental notes so I won't forget, but I'm already forgetting. I'm so grateful for digital photography. I-photo can help with my memory loss.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Monday 9/28, Day 46

Now that I know we can take Henry out and about or at least now that I am more comfortable with me taking Henry out, I am going to get braver.

Today I took Henry in the ergo carrier to Ralph's so I could get groceries for my new cooking project (a month of weeknight meals from Real Simple). I pushed his stroller too, so I would have a way to carry the bags home.

Henry fusses a little when you put him in the ergo, but once he is in, he sleeps soundly. I love having him so close and having my hands free. I need to use it even more so that he gets used to it.

We had to buy the infant attachment thing for the ergo so we could use it while he is this little. It's funny because he isn't that little, but he is still an infant who can't hold up his own head. He needs the extra support.

The ergo is different from the baby bjorn in the fact that Henry will always be facing me. He could be on my side, front or back, but he always faces me. That way he has control over his surroundings. If he gets overstimulated and wants to hide or look away, he can. We haven't had this problem yet since he promptly falls asleep. I will report any new developments.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Sunday 9/27, Day 45: DISNEYLAND

Holy Crap! We did it!

We ventured outside of a two mile radius and we took Henry to Disneyland (specifically California Adventure) for Patty's birthday. It was very successful and now we know we can do it!

I nursed him in a bathroom, in the theater watching Aladdin and in the car before we left.

I changed him in a bathroom and Phillip changed him in a bathroom.

When he was awake, he was great! He looked at lights and at people. He didn't fuss. He slept. It went really well.

and on top of it all: It was his first time at Disneyland! Patty's friend, Ky, gave us all buttons and Henry's says, "First Visit". It was adorable. If you are friends with Patty, you should watch the video she has on facebook of us arriving. It makes me cry just remembering it. We have such wonderful, sweet and creative friends.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Saturday 9/26, Day 44

Henry went with us to a parenting class at church. I love these classes, but this is the first time I actually have a baby. He's not in my tummy anymore, he is here! I have so many questions, I can't wait to get there.

And then we get there and I totally chicken out. I don't ask anything. I'm afraid that since I'm the only one with a tiny baby and everyone else has toddlers, that I'm going to waste people's time.

I left so disappointed in myself. I have so many questions and I'm so afraid to ask people. I will call Emily and Janet and bend their ears, but I usually hold back something. I talk too much and I don't ask enough about everyone else. Am I already so self (Henry) involved?

Is it like this for everyone?

By the way, Henry was wonderful while we were there. Once he got tired of being in his car seat, we put a blanket down and he laid on the ground. And when he got sleepy, we took turns holding him. So even though he was sick, he was still a great baby. We are so lucky and blessed and grateful for this miracle.

PS Happy Birthday Patty!

Friday, September 25, 2009

Friday Sept 25, Day 43

I hit a wall. I absolutely cannot get up three times in a night. When Henry starts crying that third time, I'm delusional. I can't see straight. I'm grumpy like you wouldn't believe (unless you are related to me and of course you can believe it). I start crying. My head feels so heavy. I'm a mess.

and then my hero is there

Even though Phillip gets up with me almost every time anyway, he always pulls through on this third time. He will get Henry, change him, rock him, soothe him until I get it together.

It's cliche, but I don't know what I would do without him.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Thu Sept 24, Day 42

I took Henry to the doctor. I called this morning and said, you have to see today. Henry had so much trouble breathing last night and I just couldn't take it.

And guess what?

He has an ear infection. It turns out that it's hereditary and Phillip had them all the time when he was a baby/kid. My baby is sick! He has an infection! Now he needs antibiotics. He is taking amoxicillin for ten days.

Janet told me that she thought I might have just been nervous and the doctor would tell us that everything was ok. Then when it turned out that he has an ear infection, she was proud and glad that I went with my instincts. And here I was thinking I didn't have any instincts for this whole motherhood thing.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Wednesday Sept. 23, Day 41

Oh my God, I am freaking out. Henry has a stuffy nose. Phillip has been sick for quite a few days. We have been pushing vitamins and exercise and trying to deny that he is sick, but he is. I called the nurse on Monday or was it yesterday...

Anyway, I asked her what we should do when one of us is sick. We can avoid other people easily, but we can't avoid him. She told us that we should not cough or sneeze near him. If I'm nursing, and I'm sick, then I should cover him with a blanket or a towel. If we are sick, we shouldn't kiss him on his face or hands.

But then, it started last night. He is so stuffy. I can hear him struggling to breathe. He doesn't know to breathe through his mouth instead. He is struggling while nursing. My heart is breaking.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Tuesday 9/22, Day 40

and then there's today...

no poop at all. I think he is saving up.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Monday Sept 21, Day 39


There are many uses of the word blowout:

Women go to the salon to get their hair blown out.

A car tire can have a blowout.

Every so often stores have blowout sales.

And then there is what happened to us today. I don't think I need to go into details, but you should know there was enough POOP to allow me to use the word blowout while speaking about my baby.


Sunday, September 20, 2009

Sun Sept 20, Day 38

Somehow, it always seems to happen that as soon as I sit down and start nursing my sweet Henry, I realize... I need to pee! It is very hard to wiggle and "hold it" while sitting in a chair with a boppy and a baby on your lap/chest.

Phillip and I have gotten into the habit of changing Henry in between breasts. Now that we are more comfortable changing him on our own, I race to the bathroom instead of helping Phillip.


Saturday, September 19, 2009

Sat Sept 19 Day 37


yuck yuck yuck

Apparently another great feature of living in Southern freaking California is the lovely fact that termite eggs get carried by the wind and where ever they land, they hatch. After they hatch, they try to find a place to burrow and if they can't find it, they die. WELL, a crap ton of termite eggs found their way into the fluorescent light fixture in our kitchen today! Loads of winged termites were trapped in the plastic where I found them flapping and buzzing (sorta, it was a GROSS noise) while I also found other flying and landing on the window, the counters, the floor, everywhere. One was on my pants.

How does this happen? We have an entire apartment above us and that one has two floors!

I ran out to get organic and baby/pet safe bug killer while Phillip and our manager vacuumed as many as they could. It was nasty and the apartment smelled like root beer the whole day and night. That's what the organic bug killer smells like. I kept Henry in his room with the door closed. His is the only room that smells normal.

Please God, do not let this have poisoned Henry. Please, please, please.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Fri Sept 18 Day 36

Martha came to visit!
Patty is home from Thailand!

and we are trying to put Henry down for naps without rocking him or putting him to sleep first.

The good stuff:

Martha brought Henry the cutest pillow called an Animallow. It's a super soft turtle and he loves it.

Patty and Norman are home safe and they brought back lots of pictures and birthday prizes!! Hand painted fan and purse with my name in English and Thai! Wow!

Patty says that Henry is crazy bigger than ten days ago. I filled her in on all weight changes. He has been changing a lot. Phillip will be in the bedroom doing transcription all day, then come hang out with us for dinner and Henry looks different to Phillip too! And that's only about 8 hours away from him! This makes me nervous about going back to school. I don't want to miss anything and I'm gonna have to. :(

Now the "bad" stuff.

So I have been trying to catch up on my "how to take care of your baby" reading because they tell you that you should follow your instincts, but I don't have any instincts. I can't make a decision at all about anything. And when I do, I question it like crazy.

Baby Wise encourages parents to put their babies on a flexible Parent Directed schedule where the baby nurses every 2 1/2 - 3 hours. After nursing the baby should have some awake time and then nap for 1 - 1 1/2 hours before the next eating time.

We have Henry on a schedule of nursing about every 2 1/2 hours, but we are so flexible that the times are different every day. That is not good according to the book. In order to be consistent, you should feed him around the same time every day, then he is napping at around the same time every day and this will lead him to good sleep habits and then he will begin to sleep through the night. You can be flexible if he wants to eat earlier or you have an appointment, etc, but you should work toward keeping to that schedule.

AND you have to stick to the Eat, Wake, Nap order. Well, crap! AND you need to put the baby to sleep in his crib while still awake so he can learn how to fall asleep and soothe himself. Crap again. I haven't always stuck to the order and up until today I have NEVER put him to bed while still awake.

We have been trying it today and once in a while he will fall asleep on his own, the other times he cries for almost the entire hour. I don't know what to do. I don't go in there. I don't pick him up until its time to eat again. I don't know if this is going to work. I hate hearing him cry. I want to make him feel better. I don't want to make him a fussy baby. I don't know what to do.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Thu Sept 17, Day 35

TARGET! We all went to TARGET! Yay, life is returning to normal!

Phillip and I both were able to take showers today too! It's all about the little things.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Wed Sept 16, Day 34

Another breast feeding class and Henry weighed in at 10lbs 15.5 oz!! He gained a pound in a week. I think I might stop going to this class. It's a support class and I think whatever we are doing is working. I worry just to worry.

I should say, though, that Henry has been SUPER fussy while nursing lately! He just kicks and shakes his head like crazy. He doesn't always do it and of course he didn't do it at the class in front of the lactation consultant, but it worries me. I can't calm him down. I can eventually get him to latch on or latch back on. Cambria, the consultant, thinks that it might be related to the milk flow. She says that if it starts coming too fast or slow, it might freak him out. If its too fast, then I should lean back and that will slow it down. If it is too slow, I can try to massage the breast to help speed it up.

We also read online that he might be having a growth spurt, so he might be uncomfortable. Shoot, he only weighs 11ish lbs and he gained one whole pound in a week. If we gained 1/11th of our weight in a week, we would be hurting too!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Tue Sept 15, Day 33

Henry's first boogers. I know this is kinda gross and you are probably thinking that you shouldn't be reading this blog anymore, but it was momentous! Henry hasn't really had any boogers yet so I got to use that bulb thing for the first time and after quite a few tries, I got them out!

I was thrilled!

Monday, September 14, 2009

Mon Sept 14, Day 32

Its my birthday. The first birthday where I am a mom. Weird. This isn't really about Henry, but it kinda is...

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Sun Sept 13, Day 31

Another first! Henry went to church for the first time and boy was he a hit! Chris and Sandra went with us and usually guests are a big deal. Well, no one wanted anything to do with them, or with Phillip and I. Henry was the show!

He slept through most of the service. He was in the stroller until it started, then he was a bit fussy. I put him in the sling and he just slept and slept. Just like when he was inside me, he loved the music. Its not like he kicks me anymore, I can just tell that music soothes him.

We didn't stay for the barbecue afterwards because I had to feed him and we didn't want to get too crazy on his first weekend out.

I am so proud of this little baby. He can't do much yet, but he is so sweet and beautiful and I love introducing him to everyone I know.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Sat Sept 12, Day 30

YAY! Chris and Sandra are here! More visitors to see Henry and witness that we truly have become parents!

Today also marked Henry's first real outing! We went to Aroma Cafe to celebrate my birthday. I love Aroma. The food is great, you can sit outside, they have awesome iced tea and great desserts.

Henry is now four weeks old so we can bring him to stores, restaurants, church, etc. Its not like he can't get sick anymore, but his little body is growing and he can hopefully fight off more germs. He has not had any vaccinations yet, but I hope everything he gets from me will help protect him.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Fri Sept 11, Day 29 Never Forget

For the most part, Phillip dresses Henry. During our early morning feeding (6-8am ish) Phillip picks out the clothes for the day while Henry is nursing. We have been blessed with lots of clothes to choose from, especially 3-6 month clothes. We were also very excited to receive, from Roxane and Tom, socks, in all colors, that look like converse high tops. Phillip color coordinates Henry's onesies with his socks.

We love it!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Thu Sept 10, Day 28

If we don't swaddle Henry when he sleeps or if he Houdinis his way out of his swaddle, Henry likes to sleep with his legs bent and to the sides and both arms in the air. He looks like a frog being dissected. We have nicknamed this "The Frog."

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Wed Sept 9, Day 27

We went to our first breast feeding support class today and we learned a lot. First of all, Henry weighed in at 9lbs 15.5 oz. Holy Crap! At the end of the class, he weighed 10lbs 2 oz. The teacher weighs the babies at the start of class with no clothes on, just a clean diaper. Then she weighs them at the end to see how much milk each baby takes in. So Henry had two and a half ounces of breast milk while we were there.

I learned a few tricks, but I was not able to do them at home and this was frustrating. I don't know if my chair is wrong or I'm using the boppy wrong. I'm confused and frustrated.

I am super happy he is gaining weight.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Sept 8, day 26

Today was our first day apart. I cried on my way to school. I called my sister and cried on her voicemail.

I had to go to school for an all day meeting. I won't be going back to teaching until November, but this first staff meeting was important for me to attend.

Phillip, with Amanda's help, took care of Henry all day. He had three bottles and just as many naps and play time. I pumped twice and it was a bit awkward. This is going to take planning and getting used to.

I got to show off pictures on my phone. Such a proud mommy.

Even though the day went well, I was pretty grumpy when I got home. I'm not used to this yet.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Monday 9/7 Labor Day and Day 25

What an uneventful holiday, yet this was Henry's first holiday! YAY!

We went for a long and nice walk with Karen. It was so nice outside. The heat is finally breaking. I know it won't last long, but it was so beautiful.

We spent a lot of time practicing with the bottle, pumping and then freaking out because Henry wasn't getting satisfied at his feedings. I know you can't really run out of milk, but I got so upset because I could not feed my baby.

We also video chatted with Great Grandma Mary! This was the first time she had seen him other than in pictures. It was wonderful to hear her voice.

Now Henry has been asleep since 6:30/7:00 and I don't want to wake him. I would rather he wakes up on his own at night, but I have to get up early tomorrow and I can't go to sleep because I know I have to feed him and GAH.

Oh and I forgot to include that on Friday night, he slept for about five hours. From 11pm to 4 am. We felt GREAT!

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Sunday 9/6 Day 24

Henry's first bottle!

We have to introduce bottles because I will eventually go back to work and this coming Tuesday will find me at an all day meeting at school.

Henry had no problem with the bottle. We are using the bottles that came with the pump, but I might switch to the Avent newborn bottles soon because I want to make sure we don't get confused. The Avent bottles have a slow flow.

I have to admit, I got really sad when Phillip fed him. Don't get me wrong, I was glad that he could participate in this, but I felt like I wasn't needed anymore. I know that he is still drinking my milk and of course he needs me, but it was a wave of despair that covered me when he took to the bottles so quickly.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Saturday September 5

Today at 11am, Henry and I dropped Phillip off at Annie's house. He is going to be gone all day. It's just Henry and me. This was the first time I drove with him and we were all alone. Let me tell you, he really likes the car when its moving, but let's say you go to the Starbucks drive thru and you have to wait in the line, then your son starts to cry every time you idle. It was a good experiment.

So it was just the two of us. We went to Odyssey video. We spent a lot of time on the phone talking to Sharon AND we bought a jogging stroller at a yard sale for $30! JACKPOT! I needed this so when Henry can hold his head up, we are going to make sure I fit into my pants before I have to go back to work!

Mike came by in the afternoon to help out and we talked about the elaborate bachelor party weekend he was participating in. Amanda brought dinner and we hung out with Patty for a while. Then we all tried to watch 17 Again, but it got late and Henry needed to eat and sleep.

Amanda and I will make another date with Zac.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Friday 9/4 Three Weeks Old

We got a visit from the Oberle/Pardos and from Julie. Thank you for pasta salad and peanut butter and chocolate ice cream pie. Seriously, does anything else sound better?

Phillip is working again so Henry and I spend a lot of time together. We read, bounce on the ball, eat, sleep, pee and poop, eat, play Sudoku. All the normal things a mom and her son should do together.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Thursday 9/3 Day 21

Henry mimicked me! We really do think this kid is a genius. He's just about three weeks old and he is so smart! He is doing so much better at making eye contact and holding it. He and I were staring at each other and I started sticking out my tongue at him. I just kept repeating it and then HE DID IT TOO! I swear he is going to go to Harvard and maybe be president someday. I will show him The West Wing and he will be the next President Bartlett or President Obama.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Wed Sept 2 Day 20

Henry is 20 days old.

I got an email today from Mary, a friend of the Mottaz family. Thank God for Mary and this email. She put into words how I have been feeling and made it okay. This has been a really hard experience. Everything changed in a blink. One minute I was pregnant and super round and upset that no clothes fit me and willing this baby out of me and then I was in the hospital and then the baby is here and then we are home and WHOA stop this train, I want to get off! I used to do stuff. I used to read and email and talk about work and plan and write and complete to do lists. Now I feed a baby and change a baby and try to put a baby to sleep and I don't get to sleep and I hate being woken up and I haven't had a dream in weeks. Why does this seem so hard and why do I hate it sometimes? I am mourning my old life and I miss us. Then I feel awful and I cry and I'm scared of what people will think of me if they find out. All of my friends with kids keep telling me to enjoy every moment and I'm not. I enjoy lots of moments, but when I have time to think, I am sad, then ashamed and then scared. I love Henry, but this is hard and I am not loving that.

Then I get Mary's email and she says, "My point is, for many parents, this is a wonderful time IN RETROSPECT. It's hard, and at times it's wonderful, but in case you are feeling like I felt, don't worry. If you want to hang on to these moments, video tape and look at it when you are rested. It will seem very wonderful then. :)

It does get easier as you get more rested and get things figured out. But having a child is perhaps the hardest thing in the world at first, and then having a child becomes the most wonderful thing in the world. On good days. :)"

Thank you Mary. I really needed to hear that this is normal too.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

SEPTEMBER, holy crap it's September 1 Day 19

The biggest thing that happened today was that, with Mike and Amanda's help, we successfully got a picture of our very own Nerd Baby. Since everyone thought he would be born with his own set of black framed glasses and they were disappointed when it didn't happen: here it is!

Thanks to mom and dad for getting us the glasses. You guys are wonderful.

I'm sorry I couldn't get the photo to rotate.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Monday Aug 31 Day 18

We got a visit from our friend Karen who is pregnant due in February. Thank you to Karen for letting us just talk and talk about what we learned/think we learned.

Today was the first time Henry fell asleep on my chest. When he was just born and after they counted his fingers and toes, cleared his throat and nose and wiped him off, they put him on my chest. It was our first skin to skin time. Today, we were both wearing more clothes, but he slept on my chest. It was wonderful.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Sunday Aug 30, day 17

Our first tub bath. Henry, so far, loves the water and he loves the warm bathroom. The overhead fan noise is a fan favorite as well.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Sat Aug 29 Day 16

Tony and Rachel visited us today and they brought the most delicious frozen yogurt. Thanks guys!

It is always nice to visit with people. We have not been getting out much at all so when people come to us, it has been just wonderful.

Today Henry and I found a new talent. I can put Henry to sleep if I sing to him. It could be classic rock, the Indigo Girls or G n R, it doesn't matter. Henry can be calmed with singing. He likes it when Phillip sings too! There really is something to a baby recognizing his mother and father's voices. Henry actually looks around when he hears me talking. I can't wait until he can recognize me by sight as well.

I can't explain how much I love this baby. When I look at him, he is so small and so smooth and he smells so good and I love him and I tell him all the time and I can't wait for him to know me. I can't wait to hear his voice.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Fri Aug 28--Two Weeks Old!

Grandma Janet and Grandpa Ted left today. I'm going to be honest and tell you that I cried my eyes out when the door closed. I was inconsolable. I just got overwhelmed again at how alone we are and how far away our families really are.

We are trying a new feeding schedule based on talking with the doctor yesterday. Since Henry is gaining weight, we should now feed him every two hours during the day and let him sleep as long as he wants at night. Going from every three hours to every two is hard and it feels even more like I am feeding him all the time.

Also because of our doctor's visit, we are now practicing Tummy Time multiple times during the day. Henry favors one side of his face, so his head is always turned one way. What's funny is that he favors one side while awake and the other while he sleeps. Anyway, while he is on his tummy, we can get him to turn his head when Phillip talks to him. There's just something about daddy's voice, I guess.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Thu Aug 27 Day 14

Our second doctor's appointment:

Ted and Janet went with us and helped, Thank God. The more hands, the better. Seriously, I do not know how anyone does this alone. My heart and prayers are with them.

All I could think about when we parked and walked to the building was how I felt the last time we were here. I felt terrible. So ten days later, I am feeling better. I'm not 100%, I still can't sit on chairs without cushions, but I feel better.

They weighed Henry and he is 8lbs 11oz! The doctor is happy, so we are happy. This means that he is eating and gaining weight. Thank God again. Breastfeeding is very challenging. Janet and Emily (via telephone) have been helping me a lot.

Dr. Lubin also says that Henry should not go on any plane trips until after he is at least three months old. This is not working out with our plans to go back to Knox for my 10th reunion, but keeping Henry healthy and safe is the priority.