Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Reflections on the last nine months part two

So when do you tell people that you are pregnant and who do you tell?

I can only say what we decided to do. At first, I didn't want to say anything to anyone. Not even family. I didn't believe it, couldn't believe it. I thought it wasn't true and it would be horrible to tell this and have it not be true. Phillip is much more practical and logical and he believed/knew it was true. We told my family first and we called them on Christmas when they would all be together. I spoke to my sister and asked her if I could tell her something and have her tell everyone else. She agreed and I told her I was pregnant and she excitedly told everyone in the room. The way Sharon tells it, my mom looked her viciously in the eye staring her down, to make sure she wasn't lying. That night I got a text from Sharon that said, "I overheard Dad say, 'I have a tough act to follow, but I'm going to be the best grandpa.'" So sweet.

Phillip called his family, spoke to his dad and mentioned it casually. His dad laughed first and then relayed the message to Janet who yelled, "I knew it!" Then we called Emily to tell her. She too, was super excited. She was also pregnant and had Amelia Jane (who Phillip calls AJ) June 10.

So immediate family found out right away and we asked them to keep it to themselves until we felt it was appropriate to tell extended family. Good job everyone and thank you for respecting our wishes.

But there were a few friends who we told right away. The actual first person to find out was our great friend Patty. The night of Mon Dec 22 had us posing in a Live Nativity in front of our church with Patty, her husband Norman and his mom. As we were leaving, Patty, who knew I had had a doctor's appt that day, asked how it went. I couldn't/can't lie so I just blurted it out. Patty was then and always has been completely supportive and generous with her time and baby shower party throwing and everything! I can't imagine experiencing any of this without her by my side. (Thank you, Patty. I don't say it enough.) It's also because of Patty that we have the great Dr. McKenzie too! When God brought Patty into my life, I had no idea how much of an impact she would have. Now I don't think we could live without her.

After telling the family, Phillip and I talked about how delicate and fragile this process could be and if we experienced a miscarriage, there would be a few people we would need as a support system. Family, like I've said before, is so far away. There are people in our lives here, who are surrogate family members. We decided to tell Kristi, Christina, Mike and Amanda. These folks, as well as Patty and Norman, are the people we knew would help us through the good and the bad.

Then we waited at least three months to slowly tell everyone else. I waited as long as I could before I told my students. I slowly told teachers and admin before I told the kids. I had to lie to Justine for weeks because she asked me if I was pregnant almost every time I saw her and I wasn't ready for people to know. As I started to get a bit bigger, I wore scarves that draped over my tummy. Christina got so anxious, she asked me often when I was going to tell people so she wasn't stricken with this secret. (She too sent lovely, heartfelt text messages, that I still have, about being excited and smiling when she thinks about it). The students found out last and I only announced it to one class, my Advisory. I have been the advisor to most of these students for three years and now that they were seniors, they were going to get to have certain celebrations, like Grad Night (like a lock-in at Disneyland and it happens mid-May). They were pressuring me to chaperone every single day and I kept telling them that since I had done it the year before, they were out of luck. I was never doing it again. (This is true, just not the only reason why I didn't want to be up all night). So finally, I sat down with them and said, "Listen guys, I'm not going to chaperone Grad Night because when it comes around, I'll be like six months pregnant." They went crazy and some of them were like, "I knew it!" I asked, "What do you mean, you knew it?" I was so ready to be pissed off if someone leaked it. Christina??? And the response was, "It was either that, or you had stopped going to Curves."


This is what it is like to work with teenagers. They are so honest.

I was actually very blessed to work at the school where I work during my pregnancy. Everyone and I mean everyone was very supportive and positive (even though a handful of kids loved to tell me how big I was every. single. day.--- they should see me now). Danny and Stephanie were so quick and ready and willing to watch my classroom multiple times during the day so I could run to the bathroom. I got scolded for running, though. Kristi and Christina threw me a wonderful baby shower (more on those later!) with student and parent help. I only missed two days of work and both were due to exhaustion rather than sickness. Regardless, Karen was always open and willing to do something if I ever needed to leave or call in. I did have to get used to people touching me. It never really bothered me, like it bothers some folks and I think this is because it happened right away and often, so there wasn't time to react negatively. And if the students (and adults) care that much about you to want to be that close to you, then I was fine with it. It was so sweet when a student would tentatively ask me if it was okay. By the time that happened, I had been touched so often, I'm suprised my shirts weren't dirty. ew.

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