Thursday 9/3 Day 21

Henry mimicked me! We really do think this kid is a genius. He's just about three weeks old and he is so smart! He is doing so much better at making eye contact and holding it. He and I were staring at each other and I started sticking out my tongue at him. I just kept repeating it and then HE DID IT TOO! I swear he is going to go to Harvard and maybe be president someday. I will show him The West Wing and he will be the next President Bartlett or President Obama.

Wed Sept 2 Day 20

Henry is 20 days old.

I got an email today from Mary, a friend of the Mottaz family. Thank God for Mary and this email. She put into words how I have been feeling and made it okay. This has been a really hard experience. Everything changed in a blink. One minute I was pregnant and super round and upset that no clothes fit me and willing this baby out of me and then I was in the hospital and then the baby is here and then we are home and WHOA stop this train, I want to get off! I used to do stuff. I used to read and email and talk about work and plan and write and complete to do lists. Now I feed a baby and change a baby and try to put a baby to sleep and I don't get to sleep and I hate being woken up and I haven't had a dream in weeks. Why does this seem so hard and why do I hate it sometimes? I am mourning my old life and I miss us. Then I feel awful and I cry and I'm scared of what people will think of me if they find out. All of my friends with kids keep telling me to enjoy every moment and I'm not. I enjoy lots of moments, but when I have time to think, I am sad, then ashamed and then scared. I love Henry, but this is hard and I am not loving that.

Then I get Mary's email and she says, "My point is, for many parents, this is a wonderful time IN RETROSPECT. It's hard, and at times it's wonderful, but in case you are feeling like I felt, don't worry. If you want to hang on to these moments, video tape and look at it when you are rested. It will seem very wonderful then. :)

It does get easier as you get more rested and get things figured out. But having a child is perhaps the hardest thing in the world at first, and then having a child becomes the most wonderful thing in the world. On good days. :)"

Thank you Mary. I really needed to hear that this is normal too.

SEPTEMBER, holy crap it's September 1 Day 19

The biggest thing that happened today was that, with Mike and Amanda's help, we successfully got a picture of our very own Nerd Baby. Since everyone thought he would be born with his own set of black framed glasses and they were disappointed when it didn't happen: here it is!

Thanks to mom and dad for getting us the glasses. You guys are wonderful.

I'm sorry I couldn't get the photo to rotate.

Monday Aug 31 Day 18

We got a visit from our friend Karen who is pregnant due in February. Thank you to Karen for letting us just talk and talk about what we learned/think we learned.

Today was the first time Henry fell asleep on my chest. When he was just born and after they counted his fingers and toes, cleared his throat and nose and wiped him off, they put him on my chest. It was our first skin to skin time. Today, we were both wearing more clothes, but he slept on my chest. It was wonderful.

Sunday Aug 30, day 17

Our first tub bath. Henry, so far, loves the water and he loves the warm bathroom. The overhead fan noise is a fan favorite as well.

Sat Aug 29 Day 16

Tony and Rachel visited us today and they brought the most delicious frozen yogurt. Thanks guys!

It is always nice to visit with people. We have not been getting out much at all so when people come to us, it has been just wonderful.

Today Henry and I found a new talent. I can put Henry to sleep if I sing to him. It could be classic rock, the Indigo Girls or G n R, it doesn't matter. Henry can be calmed with singing. He likes it when Phillip sings too! There really is something to a baby recognizing his mother and father's voices. Henry actually looks around when he hears me talking. I can't wait until he can recognize me by sight as well.

I can't explain how much I love this baby. When I look at him, he is so small and so smooth and he smells so good and I love him and I tell him all the time and I can't wait for him to know me. I can't wait to hear his voice.

Fri Aug 28--Two Weeks Old!

Grandma Janet and Grandpa Ted left today. I'm going to be honest and tell you that I cried my eyes out when the door closed. I was inconsolable. I just got overwhelmed again at how alone we are and how far away our families really are.

We are trying a new feeding schedule based on talking with the doctor yesterday. Since Henry is gaining weight, we should now feed him every two hours during the day and let him sleep as long as he wants at night. Going from every three hours to every two is hard and it feels even more like I am feeding him all the time.

Also because of our doctor's visit, we are now practicing Tummy Time multiple times during the day. Henry favors one side of his face, so his head is always turned one way. What's funny is that he favors one side while awake and the other while he sleeps. Anyway, while he is on his tummy, we can get him to turn his head when Phillip talks to him. There's just something about daddy's voice, I guess.