Monday 9/7 Labor Day and Day 25

What an uneventful holiday, yet this was Henry's first holiday! YAY!

We went for a long and nice walk with Karen. It was so nice outside. The heat is finally breaking. I know it won't last long, but it was so beautiful.

We spent a lot of time practicing with the bottle, pumping and then freaking out because Henry wasn't getting satisfied at his feedings. I know you can't really run out of milk, but I got so upset because I could not feed my baby.

We also video chatted with Great Grandma Mary! This was the first time she had seen him other than in pictures. It was wonderful to hear her voice.

Now Henry has been asleep since 6:30/7:00 and I don't want to wake him. I would rather he wakes up on his own at night, but I have to get up early tomorrow and I can't go to sleep because I know I have to feed him and GAH.

Oh and I forgot to include that on Friday night, he slept for about five hours. From 11pm to 4 am. We felt GREAT!

Sunday 9/6 Day 24

Henry's first bottle!

We have to introduce bottles because I will eventually go back to work and this coming Tuesday will find me at an all day meeting at school.

Henry had no problem with the bottle. We are using the bottles that came with the pump, but I might switch to the Avent newborn bottles soon because I want to make sure we don't get confused. The Avent bottles have a slow flow.

I have to admit, I got really sad when Phillip fed him. Don't get me wrong, I was glad that he could participate in this, but I felt like I wasn't needed anymore. I know that he is still drinking my milk and of course he needs me, but it was a wave of despair that covered me when he took to the bottles so quickly.

Saturday September 5

Today at 11am, Henry and I dropped Phillip off at Annie's house. He is going to be gone all day. It's just Henry and me. This was the first time I drove with him and we were all alone. Let me tell you, he really likes the car when its moving, but let's say you go to the Starbucks drive thru and you have to wait in the line, then your son starts to cry every time you idle. It was a good experiment.

So it was just the two of us. We went to Odyssey video. We spent a lot of time on the phone talking to Sharon AND we bought a jogging stroller at a yard sale for $30! JACKPOT! I needed this so when Henry can hold his head up, we are going to make sure I fit into my pants before I have to go back to work!

Mike came by in the afternoon to help out and we talked about the elaborate bachelor party weekend he was participating in. Amanda brought dinner and we hung out with Patty for a while. Then we all tried to watch 17 Again, but it got late and Henry needed to eat and sleep.

Amanda and I will make another date with Zac.

Friday 9/4 Three Weeks Old

We got a visit from the Oberle/Pardos and from Julie. Thank you for pasta salad and peanut butter and chocolate ice cream pie. Seriously, does anything else sound better?

Phillip is working again so Henry and I spend a lot of time together. We read, bounce on the ball, eat, sleep, pee and poop, eat, play Sudoku. All the normal things a mom and her son should do together.

Thursday 9/3 Day 21

Henry mimicked me! We really do think this kid is a genius. He's just about three weeks old and he is so smart! He is doing so much better at making eye contact and holding it. He and I were staring at each other and I started sticking out my tongue at him. I just kept repeating it and then HE DID IT TOO! I swear he is going to go to Harvard and maybe be president someday. I will show him The West Wing and he will be the next President Bartlett or President Obama.

Wed Sept 2 Day 20

Henry is 20 days old.

I got an email today from Mary, a friend of the Mottaz family. Thank God for Mary and this email. She put into words how I have been feeling and made it okay. This has been a really hard experience. Everything changed in a blink. One minute I was pregnant and super round and upset that no clothes fit me and willing this baby out of me and then I was in the hospital and then the baby is here and then we are home and WHOA stop this train, I want to get off! I used to do stuff. I used to read and email and talk about work and plan and write and complete to do lists. Now I feed a baby and change a baby and try to put a baby to sleep and I don't get to sleep and I hate being woken up and I haven't had a dream in weeks. Why does this seem so hard and why do I hate it sometimes? I am mourning my old life and I miss us. Then I feel awful and I cry and I'm scared of what people will think of me if they find out. All of my friends with kids keep telling me to enjoy every moment and I'm not. I enjoy lots of moments, but when I have time to think, I am sad, then ashamed and then scared. I love Henry, but this is hard and I am not loving that.

Then I get Mary's email and she says, "My point is, for many parents, this is a wonderful time IN RETROSPECT. It's hard, and at times it's wonderful, but in case you are feeling like I felt, don't worry. If you want to hang on to these moments, video tape and look at it when you are rested. It will seem very wonderful then. :)

It does get easier as you get more rested and get things figured out. But having a child is perhaps the hardest thing in the world at first, and then having a child becomes the most wonderful thing in the world. On good days. :)"

Thank you Mary. I really needed to hear that this is normal too.

SEPTEMBER, holy crap it's September 1 Day 19

The biggest thing that happened today was that, with Mike and Amanda's help, we successfully got a picture of our very own Nerd Baby. Since everyone thought he would be born with his own set of black framed glasses and they were disappointed when it didn't happen: here it is!

Thanks to mom and dad for getting us the glasses. You guys are wonderful.

I'm sorry I couldn't get the photo to rotate.